Walk On

I have loved music my whole life. I can't sing or can't play an instrument, but I have a knack for remembering lyrics and making great dj mixes. I get some of this love from my parents. From an early age, I remember our house being filled with Simon & Garfunkel and James Taylor. Every Christmas, my dad gathers everyone around and we all sing Christmas carols. If you ever end up in an Irish bar with my family during a good "session", chances are you'll be schooled in our love of Irish music and folk songs. And there is nothing I enjoy more than a good jukebox, cold beer and a good friend to sit and try to one-up one another with cheesy or obscure tunes.

When it comes to certain moments in life, I can usually tie them back to a band, song or album. I kept all my mixed tapes from high school. I probably have a song that I associate for each friend I've ever made. They may not know it, but the song was playing or sung during a key moment or highlight in our relationship. For me, music makes me feel something or connect to someone in ways I could never say or write myself.

Sidebar-The irony of this is that Dan had very little knowledge of music. His favorite band was a COVER band for goodness sakes! But we managed to have our songs just like any other couple. And I love listening to them.

Music is becoming critical to my grief process. Maybe it's the change of weather, or maybe it's just because I was so busy these last 7 months and now have a moment to sit still... but the grieving process is changing yet again. I have been told I've handled this "brilliantly" by some... not really an accomplishment I'd ever hope to achieve. Yes-I've done a ton... I've thrown everything at the grief... runing, biking, swimming, shopping, traveling, crying, laughing, volunteering, working, speaking... and still, it's tough. It's just plain tough. Some days, it's hard to think what else to do. I feel like I've been trying it all.

So, I've been coming back to music a lot more lately. Workouts are filled with the Back Eyed Peas, Lady Gaga, Katie Perry, Kanye... a whole host of music to make me move. Helps with the anxiety and restlessness

But it's been a reconnection to an "old" band that has been giving me a little bit of peace. A little bit of... "someone gets it". It's probably because I saw two of their shows in the span of 10 days, but I have become obsessed with U2 again. I was just blown away by their stage show, but also by the lyrics to some of their songs. In particular "Stuck in A Moment You Can't Get Out Of" and "Walk On". These songs pretty much sum up my peice of mind these days, so if you want to know how I am feeling give a listen. I alternate between feeling so stuck in a terrible spot, and at the same time encouraged to get moving.

Here are some of the lyrics

From "Stuck in a Moment"

I'm not afraid
Of anything in this world
There's nothing you can throw at me
That I haven't already heard
I'm just trying to findA decent melody
A song that I can sing
In my own company

I never thought you were a fool
But darling, look at you. Ooh.
You gotta stand up straight, carry your own weight'
Cause tears are going nowhere baby

You've got to get yourself together
You've got stuck in a moment
And you can't get out of it
Don't say that later will be better
Now you're stuck in a moment
And you can't get out of it

And if the night runs over
And if the day won't last
And if your way should falter
Along this stony pass
It's just a moment
This time will pass

And from "Walk On"

And if the darkness is to keep us apart
And if the daylight feels like it's a long way off
And if your glass heart should crack
And for a second you turn back
Oh no, be strong

Walk on, walk on
What you got they can't steal it
No they can't even feel it
Walk on, walk on...Stay safe tonight

You're packing a suitcase for a place none of us has been
A place that has to be believed to be seen
You could have flown away
A singing bird in an open cage
Who will only fly, only fly for freedom

Walk on, walk on
What you've got they can't deny it
Can't sell it, or buy it
Walk on, walk on
Stay safe tonight