Are You Mad?

This was a question posed to me last weekend by a friend of mine. Initially, it took me by surprise. For the most part, people's questions around cancer pretty much stop at "How is Dan feeling?" (this week, not so good). And if you're reading this, chances are you are generally met with a positive attitude, and a slightly glossed over version of our life. The real tough questions or conversations tend to happen only between just Dan & I. Even if we told people, they'd still have no idea what really go through- only we do.

But I am sure this is a question many people ponder so I'll give you an honest answer. I think I am probably more mad than I realize. How can we not all be at this situation? However, if I stopped to be mad, I might never get anything done! And the way I look at it, there is something about being mad that lights a fire under people- hence the term "fired up". You just have to find a way to channel it into something positive... actionable. I'd take being mad over being depressed or morose any day. I can't do anything to change the course that has brought us here, and in many ways, I wouldn't want to change a thing. All I can do is take what I've learned & experienced and make something positive out of it.

Although, I do think anger is closely followed by exasperation. As in- if you had any clue what was going on in my life, you wouldn't (insert one of the following).... give me a parking ticket, give me bad customer service, let me go from my job....

But that is the darndest thing about cancer, and how we try to look at the overall experience. Life still keeps moving whether you like it or not, and you have to make the choice to move along with it, anger & all.