Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Karoake

So I just returned home from catching up with an "old" friend. We had dinner, and then moved to another bar for a drink. And it happened to be Karoake Night. Don't worry- I didn't get up and sing, but it is hard for me to not sing along with those that do brave the karoake gauntlet. So I sang along, and observed the scene around me. I found myself laughing at moments, and some moments literally turning over my shoulder to make a comment to Dan. We spent a lot of time at Karaoake Night at Savannah's in Kensington... though he never stepped up to the mic.

It was a reminder to me that I am caught between two worlds. My old "Dan" life, and the "yet-to-be-determined" life. Still the same me, but at the same time, a whole new me. Let's face it, I've learned things that people don't learn until they're 80. My faults and positive traits are there for me to see in equal measure. It's a confusing time for me. I am allowing myself to be shuttled among different people each day. Kinda like a huge Meg mosh pit.

I don't know what grief is yet. When I wake up, it feels like the same way you do when someone throws you in the pool fully clothed... heavy. I could care less about things I used to obsess over, like where my coffee comes from (although, Dunkin still rules). I don't cry.... haven't shed a tear in any meaningful way since he passed. I wonder if Dan was just a dream, but if he was, why I don't really dream at all. I feel like I am in a state of shock, which is normal, so "they" tell me. I almost feel worse for other people's loss than I do my own. The absolute worst part of the funeral for me was seeing Dan's friends cry. I just wanted to make them feel better versus seeking any comfort of my own. I feel a profound sense of loss, but it's more from observing other people than actually feeling it myself. As the saying goes- "De Nile" ain't just a river in Egypt.

I suppose I am seeking all the normal avenues of recovery. I had a good shopping spree. Fortunately, I snapped back to reality just in time. I almost dropped a couple of hundred dollars on a white suit... John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever had nothing on me. But I was able to realize pretty quickly when I being to cross the line. Though I looked pretty darn sharp in that suit!

Making the initial first step to get out tonight was a little weird. But I was able to remember that I like to karaoke, and that Dan claimed to be a fan. I can still laugh and joke. I am still me, but with a new sense of purpose. Maybe I am Meg 2.0.

And, I do need a go-to karoake song if the guy in the bar ever plunks down a book with 10,000 options!

21 comments:

Anonymous said...

I'm glad to hear you're going out. Like you, I enjoy karoake, but have never taken the mic. I'd rather laugh at others than them laugh at me :) Speaking of...Matt's go-to song is Country Roads. Not sure if I can picture that as your go-to though. I'll try to come up with something better...

~Erin Cullison

Anonymous said...

Meg-

Did Dan ever tell you about the time he sang in our college pub for karaoke night? I'm trying to remember when it was...probably senior year...but I do know he tried to get the crowd going by singing Minnie the Moocher by Cab Calloway (youtube it). It was pretty hilarious because no one really sang along with him. And Serge just reminded me the time he sang Girls Just Wanna Have Fun. Seriously that kid never cared about making a fool of himself. Hahaha

-Tyler

Anonymous said...

I wanted to let you know that Dan was fully aware of your musical talents. Watching Wayne Brady's "Don't Forget the Lyrics" he bragged on your ability to effortlessly pick up the lyrics to every song and how you could totally kick butt on that show. :) Hope today brings you more laughter.

WWW,
LFord

Anonymous said...

I just read Tyler's post. I too remember Dan singing karoake in the pub in college. I can't remember the song either, but I do have a vague image of him wearing a weird hat kind of like Indiana Jones. Too funny.

Anonymous said...

That is really funny because I remember Dan singing that night and he definitely was wearing some random hat. I don't remember the song either. Sadly, I only remember making an idiot of myself singing Christina Aguilera's 'What A Girl Wants' with Dan just shaking his head in disappointment at me. Good times.

Definitely going to be thinking about him during the big Duke game tonight...

Steve-o

hughesd2000 said...

Hi Meg 2.0
Glad to hear that you enjoyed a night of Karaoke although you didn't personally partake! I am trying to come up with a good go-to song, but that is very tricky. You don't want to go with the standard Karaoke fare (you know the ones!), maybe a little something unique, yet people know the song and are able to sing along. Very tricky stuff!

Michael Bergin said...

Hello Meg -

It sounds like you are being patient with yourself during this difficult time which I think is essential. I hope that the Meg Mosh Pit continues and wish we were there to take part.

Peace,
Michael, Jeanne, Nathan and Grace

Kalisa Owens said...

Meg...I am crying for you. Every time I come to this blog, whether it is an entry or a comment from a friend, I end up smiling with a tear or two running down my face.

I remember getting my nails done in Bethesda with you during my treatments and even then you were searching for "your" song. You had tried to encourage me to have a theme song for myself...at the time yours was Unwritten by Natasha Bedingfield. Just a thought!!

All my best to you while you learn more about Meg 2.0

Anonymous said...

Its an interesting perspective you bring up. I can't speak for everyone else, but I know the tears I had that day where more for you and his family. Yes, I will miss him dearly and it saddens me to think about times in the future when he won't be there when I expcet him to be...like when I am crouching over a putt and hear him say "Bill, are you serious...you are putting a 40 footer for a 9...just hit the ball...it doesn't matter how you read the green because you are not making it..." Guess Serge will have to step up into that role now.

It was evident to see how much he loved you, his family and friends after you, James and "Boss Lady" shared your most intimate, heart-felt thoughts. It broke my heart, but not for my loss. I kept thinking of you and his family, for those times in the future when you would turn for familiarity, and it wouldn't be there - like at karoake. However, he will always be with us, no question about it. I know everyone will agree with this though - the two of you have a love that everyone wishes they could have!

As for a song, here is my recommendation. I will never forget senior year after Dan came back from Africa during winter break. The only music that came out of his room, no matter what time of day, was African Tribal music. Since there were no words (clarification - English words), Dan decided to Karoake to the sounds of the instruments and human voices - not a good combination. So, the first song that popped in my head after reading your post was "Africa" by Toto - 80's songs make great sing-a-longs!

WWW

Lowy

Anonymous said...

Okay, okay, we need everyone to post their suggestions for a befitting "go-to Karaoke" song for Meghan. I mean, she really needs one. So let's get brainstorming and come up with a substantial write-in list for Meghan to read through (maybe even practice a little); surely then she'll find that perfect "go-to Karaoke" song that will suit her well. So let's start thinking and then posting those titles for Meghan.

I'll be doing some recall and searching (maybe resort to singing one or two as a tryout) and then back here with my posts.

PT

Anonymous said...

Okay, Meghan:
Here are some picks for your "go-to -Karaoke" song:
*Fame--Irene Cara
*What a Feeling --Irene Cara
*All You Need is Love--the Beatles
*Give a Little Bit--Supertramp & Goo Goo Dolls
*Keep on Loving You--REO/Speedwagon
*On the Road Again--Willie Nelson
*Magic Carpet Ride--Steppenwolf

If this list seems a bit dated--well, it is because I am--limitations are a reality for some of us,but no matter--have fun finding your song.

cousin P

Jeanne said...

I definitely vote for "What a Feeling." Then you can add in the dance routine we worked out in your basement... if you can remember it! ;) And if you listen to the lyrics, they are appropriate for Meg 2.0. Thinking of you, wish I could be in the mosh pit.

Anonymous said...

2.0 -
I am sure you know our vote - I have heard you sing- you have the voice of an angel. Your voice is like a combination of Fergie and Jesus...lets get together soon for some nachos and lemonheads in my Dad's boat-
Luv The S.I.L..

monster said...

I like Lowy's "Africa" suggestion -- but I think the song Dan may have been singing was "Jambo, jambo bwana. Habari gani, mzuri sana..." You could make Jambo Bwana your song and if they don't have it, you don't sing :)

Meg -- I think I'm feeling a lot like you -- sort of going through the motions but not feeling a lot. Not crying, and just sort of waiting for it all to really set in. But, I just keep thinking what a great guardian angel Alex now has, and how much he really needs one!
If you're into reading any books about what we're going through, I could get you some that have been recommended...
-Holly

Anonymous said...

Waegs did play the african tribal music when he returned from his voyage. I can still see him singing and doing some sort of tribal dance. Lol. However, being his roommate his senior year I would prefer the music to him griding his teeth!

bz

Anonymous said...

I'm thinking, I'm thinking...I'll get back to you on this one.

TD

Bridget said...

Meg!
Here are some of my favorites:

1. Livin' On a Prayer
2. Don't Stop Believin'
4. Bille Jean
5. Love Shack
6. You shook me all night long
7. Sweet Home Alabama
.....this is just a start!!

We need to all plan a karaoke night! :)I'm a terrible singer, but we could laugh at each other!

Bridget Barker

Anonymous said...

More karaoke suggestions, Meg--

That's the Way It Is--Celine Dion
Angel--Sarah McLachlan
All I Wanna Do is Have Some Fun-- --Sheryl Crow

cousin P

Anonymous said...

Meg... I think my favorite Waeger-oake song was "its raining men"... As for me, my go to is "The Perfect Country and Western Song" by David Allen Coe. I remember you mentioning singing along at the top of your lungs to some old country music so this would be a good fit.
Still prayin for you
Rusty

Anonymous said...

So, Meg, when you settle on your "go to karaoke" song, will you post it for your blog family? We'd love to know. Thanks.

cousin P

Anonymous said...

Okay, Meg, two more:

"That's What Friends Are For"--Dionne Warwick, Stevie Wonder, Elton John--

And I never thought I'd feel this way
And as far as I'm concerned
I'm glad I got the chance to say
That I do believe I love you

And if I should ever go away
Well, then close your eyes and try to feel
The way we do today
And then if you can remember

Keep smilin', keep shinin'
Knowin' you can always count on me, for sure
That's what friends are for
For good times and bad times
I'll be on your side forever more
That's what friends are for

Well, you came and opened me
And now there's so much more I see
And so by the way I thank you

Whoa, and then for the times when we're apart
Well, then close your eyes and know
These words are comin' from my heart
And then if you can remember, oh

Keep smiling, keep shining
Knowing you can always count on me, for sure
That's what friends are for
In good times, in bad times
I'll be on your side forever more
Oh, that's what friends are for

Whoa... oh... oh... keep smilin', keep shinin'
Knowin' you can always count on me, for sure
That's what friends are for
For good times and bad times
I'll be on your side forever more
That's what friends are for

Keep smilin', keep shinin'
Knowin' you can always count on me, oh, for sure
'Cause I tell you that's what friends are for
For good times and for bad times
I'll be on your side forever more
That's what friends are for (That's what friends are for)

On me, for sure
That's what friends are for
Keep smilin', keep shinin'


And then how about
"Love will Save the Day"--
Listen as your day unfolds
Challenge what the future holds
Try to keep your head up to the sky
Lovers they may cause you tears
Go ahead release your fears
Stand up and be counted
Don't be shamed to cry

You gotta be
You gotta be bad
You gotta be bold
You gotta be wiser
You gotta be hard
You gotta be tough
You gotta be stronger
You gotta be cool
You gotta be calm
You gotta stay together
All i know all i know is love will save the day

Harold what your mother said
Read the books your father read
Try to solve the puzzles in your own sweet time
Some may have more cash than you
Others take a different view
My oh my, eh eh eh

You gotta be bad
You gotta be bold
You gotta be wiser
You gotta be hard
You gotta be tough
You gotta be stronger
You gotta be cool
You gotta be calm
You gotta stay together
All i know all i know is love will save the day

cousin P