Wednesday, October 1, 2008

More on the Marathon

So Dan “borrowed” my cancer-is-a-marathon-not-a-sprint analogy in his last post (what- did you think he comes up with these things all on his own?)… here is my point of view…

My whole life, I’ve been kind of a slacker. For those that know me, you may wonder how I can be serious about that comment. But I am a total slacker. I look at other people who actually make long term goals and work towards them in total awe. For me, the challenge in life has always been about figuring out how to do things and then, just exactly how long it will take to get them done. I joke that this is just fabulous time management, but really it’s just laziness or a form of ADD.

While my college roommates studied consistently throughout the semester, I would do almost nothing if I wasn’t graded on it. Then, two days prior to an exam, I would shift into turbo-drive and lock myself away until appearing at the test sleep-deprived & running on Mountain Dew and Hot Tamales. Usually it worked out pretty well. I even implemented this tactic while studying for my CPA (passed), getting through business school (passed) & completing projects at work (still here- for now!).

I’ve always been slightly irritated at myself for developing these habits. I think it started young when I somehow developed a massive hatred of running unless it was during a game. Unless I could score a goal or knock someone down, I had no interest in the actual training part of sports. Unbelievable for someone who played soccer year-round for 12 years. I still think that I could have been a much better player, student & worker if I’d developed a consistent approach to working towards a goal.

When Dan and I agreed that we were both indifferent about the last visit with the doctor, it wasn’t meant to suggest we’re also ambivalent. Rather, I think we’re now always busy preparing for the next thing. Prior to the Tuesday’s appointment, I would twist myself all up in a bunch trying to mentally prepare for whatever news was to come my way- if it was bad, I’d try to think of what questions I would need to ask or what I’d immediately need to re-arrange at work or in life. But on Tuesday, I found myself taking it more in-stride than before. Maybe it’s because we haven’t had much good news yet, so I’m becoming de-sensitized to things. But I think it’s more that we have to keep focusing on always moving forward, even if it’s at a slow pace, to really beat it.

This is a real challenge for me… long range planning. But I also think it’s the first time in life I’ve been truly committed to something 100%. Even if Dan was pronounced NED (no evidence of disease) tomorrow, it would not mean the end of our fight. There is so much work to be done, both for Dan’s continued health and for the overall war against cancer. It’s a marathon, and one race that I think I’ll actually stick with this time. Sure, there will be times when we "hit the wall", but that is when we can lean on each other to push through.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Well said Meg - you two are so strong together. It is really remarkable. And know - your friends and family are like the peeps holding the water on the sides during the race - right there with you, helping you along.

W.W.W.

Sergio

Kalisa Owens said...

Thinking of you this weekend and praying the antibiotics are working. Breath deep and take in the fall air - you are healthy!

bob said...

How was the Shin-dig last weekend? i am assuming it was a blast and the weather held off.
We are looking forward the the tournament in a few weeks.
It will be good to see and hear both of you in person instead of just reading a Blog.
Call us more often and let us know how everything is going.
Bob & Lindsay

Anonymous said...

Hi Meghan and Dan,
Your September Saturday party was great fun! I really enjoyed seeing the familiar folks I knew and meeting many of the new people who were there: moms and dad, Michael and Niki and your adorable nieces,friendly cousins, Dan's sweet sister and baby, your dear aunts and uncles,and all your friends. And, of course, I so enjoyed meeting, you, Dan--I enjoyed talking to you and hearing about your fund-raising work, all such worthwhile endeavors. And while at the party, I also learned that you had cancer, but that you have had good results from earlier treatments. Yet change is constant, and now you are facing some new hurdles to get through. I, of course, am on a distant sideline, but I am informed and aware now, in a prayful and wishful state to see you beat this cancer. And seeing, you, Meghan last Saturday and reading your narrative along with having met you, Dan, I believe that you two have such a positive and creative energy within and around you that you will be able to win. I know that there will be times of great struggle, but I know that, you, Meghan will be there for Dan, and what a dynamic and invigorating couple you are to get through the times of struggle, daily making a loving history together. Know that you are in my daily prayers, with heartfelt wishes of success coming your way, and so I wish you good health, much joy, and deeping love on your journey together.
Paula