Friday, August 22, 2008

It's a Tricky Time

As Dan mentioned in his last post, we have a meeting with the doctor this Tuesday that will start the next steps in treatment. I think I've been in a happy bubble of denial. But as the time for Dan's next scan nears, I start think of the "what if's"... what if it's worse than before? We've adapted pretty quickly the past two months, but it hasn't been too hard because other than the doctors' telling us the cancer is in there, you would have no idea Dan actually has cancer. It's easy to trick yourself into thinking that there really isn't anything wrong... but when I'm reminded, it brings the waves of fear and sadness all over again.

I've been locked away at work this week, and haven't had much time to worry, but heading into the weekend, I find myself wondering if this will be the last peaceful time for us for awhile.


Alphonzo Macadoo said...

Yeah, White water rafting rules!! and especially out west..I believe it's Miller Lites with the "s" but maybe that's just my slur after I've had too many. haha..
Stay as strong as you are. You are in my prayers.
Your friend,

hughesd2000 said...

It is a tricky time and I wish I had some great words of wisdom, but I don't (I have 3 kids who consume most of my brain cells and all of my wisdom!!!). I just know that whatever lies ahead you are both truly loved and we will all be here to help you get through the rough times and rejoice in the great times!! Thinking of you both.

Anonymous said...

It isn't often that one can say, -I know what you mean, and truly mean it. As I read your words I know I have also said them not very long ago.

It won't be your last peaceful moment if you do not loose hope. There will be more tears but they won't always be because of fears. We just had a little bit of good news and our eyes filled with tears of hope and happiness. We are trying to learn to enjoy moments as they come even knowing that the next bit of news might not be as good. I am sure you are doing the same.

Keep smiling!
Ana Maria

Anonymous said...

Meg, I know how you feel because as Dan's mother who birthed him, I also am very attached to what happens. How can it be otherwise? I am finding that the way to get thru it is to LIVE IN THE MOMENT. Have you read Eckert Tolle's book called The Power of Now? Or his newer one that forget the name of at this moment? I have them both and will lend them to you. They teach how to live in the NOW moment. Right this very inute, right now, as I am writing, everything is OK. You, Dan, me - we are all OK in this moment. Just appreciate the moment. If a person can live in the now moment, there is no room to waste energy worrying about "what ifs". You know there are times I cry and worry and yell about how unfair this all is to Dan - yet I am learning each day that when I can live in the moment, I can be at peace knowing all is well and in the large scheme of things, everything is exactly how it is supposed to unfold in the universe and Dan is exactly where he needs to be on his journey thru life. Does he have more lessons to learn? Probably yes. Is he helping others to learn thru him? Definitely yes - his case is so unique that medical staff are learning tons from him. Folks who have never even met Danny are inspired by him and his journey. When I feel helpless, all I can do is love, support, and pray. And be conscious of the NOW MOMENT. Love, Cicily

Lisa Auslander said...

good luck tomorrow!