Sunday, July 6, 2008

Playing the Waiting Game

So I guess I get the first official post. Welcome! Dan and I hope that you'll visit often and share our blog with others who may be going through something similar. And hopefully you'll leave lots of comments :)

When we received the news last week that there has been a "modest but real" spread in Dan's cancer, it was a pretty harsh blow. I think we were both shocked. After all, we had just signed the contract for our wedding reception and Dan had fully rebounded from the virus that landed him in the hospital at the end of April. There was no reason to think that things hadn't fully returned to normal.

I've learned a few things over the past couple of days. First off, I must now admit that I am a weeper. I cry a lot, usually in short spurts & sometimes in public (to my own embarassment). But not only because I am scared and worried for Dan... I also seem to cry at any sort of expression of support from people, which is a plus. I remember very early on in our relationship, Dan said it was ok to cry when dealing with cancer, but that we should just try to let it take up only 10% of the time and focus the other 90% of the time on being productive. I think it's solid advice.

Second, I learned that we're a pretty resilient pair. I think some of my favorite moments of our relationship occurred this weekend, and we really didn't do much but the normal weekend stuff. I think allowing yourself to eat ice cream in extremely generous amounts helps.

Lastly, I learned that nothing good comes from feeling sorry for yourself. Allow that 10% time limit and then get moving. I used to wonder what people do when they get discouraging news like we did. Here is what we did this weekend- cleaned the house, went to a golf tournament, started our blog, went to a bbq, watched movies, went to Church, drove around looking for possible neighborhoods to buy a house, and spent a bunch of time on the foundation (finished the bylaws, updated & posted the 2008 scholarship application & finally wrote up last year's winners). Lots of normal, everyday stuff.

After all, Dan doesn't feel any different than he did last week, so there wasn't much of an excuse to sit around and do nothing. We both know that there is a bumpy road ahead, but I think we're getting on just fine at the moment.

We won't hear from Dan's oncologist, Dr. D, until late in the week. So in the meantime, thanks for all of your emails, texts & calls. Just b/c we may not respond immediately doesn't mean that they aren't helping!

We look forward to hearing from you!


Anonymous said...

I received a note and call from Kalisa telling me about your upcoming fight. I want to add my name, support and pray to your list of strong supporter.
You will be in my thoughts and prayers every day.
Stay strong as this is just a bump in the road.
Marlo Burkey (Kalisa's Mom)

mom said...

This is a comment from Cicily, Dan's mom. I am so very appreciative that Meghan is in Dan's life now and that he has someone very close to him with whom he can share his feelings, cry with on bad days, and rejoice with when there is good news - to have someone support him in good times and bad. Over 3 years is a long time for a mom to see her child go thru all Dan has had to go thru. From the very beginning, I have believed God will heal Danny. Yes, I cry sometimes, yet in my heart, my faith has not wavered and I still believe Dan will be healed. I hurt that he has to go thru so much in the meantime. I've told Danny from the beginning that good will come out of this - and it certainly has. His NCCF organization and all the ways he has inspired others are examples of this. Cicily Waeger

ellen said...

I have the privilege of working every day with DTM (that's Dan the Man) for those of you who don't know him by that name. I feel like those of us at NCCS are especially lucky as we get to work with Dan and witness his extraordinary survivorship day in and day out. The good days bring great elation to the whole office; and the bad days are simply that--bad days. Dan does not dwell on them. Good days and bad, Dan inspires all of us. He and Meghan are a force to be reckoned with, and cancer has a formidable foe in these two great people. Those of us at NCCS learn so much from their example of how to live to the fullest in the face of so much uncertainty. Though we all live with uncertainty each day, most of us aren't thinking about it, but when you experience all the vagueries and uncertainties that living with cancer brings, life takes on a dimension that is hard to describe. Through their words, Dan and Meghan describe this state of living with uncertainty, with fear, and with great joy, better than most people. I want to thank both of them for letting us learn about their strength and their vulnerability, and their love for one another, as they go on this journey.

Carpe Diem, Dan and Meghan.

Ellen Stovall (I work with Dan)

Sister Cathy said...

Dan has always been an inspiration to me beginning with our days together at Trinity High School. I have no doubt that his power to inspire people will continue to grow stronger with each passing day. Meghan, I look forward to meeting you someday. count on my love, prayers and support. Sister Cathy

Nina said...

Dan,(dtm) I am so happy to have you as a coworker and have enjoyed getting to know you over the last year and a half. Your quiet demeanor belies a fierce inner spirit that seems to know no obstacle too great to overcome. Your humor, your passion for life (and golf), and your obvious commitment to Meaghan seem to be the best medicines for you and your cancer…Imagine if you could bottle that elixir?
You say you are “playing the waiting game”. Dan and Meaghan, the way I see it, neither of you are waiting for anything. You have jumped right up there and are seizing life minute by minute, the way we all should be!
Btw-got my wrist band on-!

Stepmom said...

Dan is a one in a million kind of guy and I can see that he has found his match in Meghan. Together they can and will meet every challenge and blessing that life brings with incredible spirit, hope and faith. I cannot begin to understand the why of this nasty disease, but I do understand that it can be beaten...I've seen it many times. If ever there existed two spirits who could not just survive but thrive, it would be Dan and Meg. Bless you both on this rocky journey. Hold onto each other, laugh, cry and keep your lives as normal as possible; please promise to ask for help when you need it. We all want to do whatever we can to enhance the process of healing. Better days lie ahead!! Love, Joy and Peace from Marie.