What Do I Say to You?

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I hear this quite a bit recently as people learn of what is happening to Dan. You're not alone in your thinking. I am usually wondering the same thing. How do I tell people? How can I comfort them and give them hope but at the same time, allow myself the right to be scared or express any of the emotions that are running all over the place these days? I really have no idea. Other than that you say something. There is no right or wrong answer. Acknowledging a friend's or loved one's pain or fear can take a lot of courage, just as it takes courage for that person to open up in the first place. But start the dialogue.


A little over two years ago, a good friend was diagnosed with cancer in her late twenties. At that time, I hadn't known anyone close to me, let alone someone my age, with cancer. I was thinking back to when she told me, my reaction and what made it easy for me to talk to her. At the time, she and her husband were living in DC far from their families on the West Coast. Having spent many years away from home, I recalled how tough it was for me to be so far away even when small problems popped up. So I just figured that in some small way, I could relate to her. Even if I had no clue about cancer, I knew something about being isolated from family, and therefore, I found a pretty easy connection. While we did talk about her treatment, I am pretty certain we did a fairly decent job of talking about work, mindless gossip and other normal topics as well. And we always had yoga and Starbucks- those things were there before diagnosis and continued through & beyond her treatment! (Side note: I am happy to report my friend is living well as a cancer survivor, NED (no evidence of disease) and just bought a house!)


Listen, I'm not going to lie and say that Dan's cancer is in anyway easy to talk or write about. Some days I don't want to think about it, and some days I want to talk about it all the time. But I am now appreciating the opportunity to "reconnect" with friends across the world & work on those friendships. I am thankful to have this week of buffer time before the doctor gives us our options to enjoy spending time with Dan & the life we're building for ourselves. Honestly, it's impossible not to have a positive attitude when you're around him! Finally, I am so amazed & grateful that so many people are here to support us and carry us through this time. The calls & emails are so appreciated! So I guess that the only wrong thing to say is saying nothing at all.


Stay Positive. Stay Focused.- Meg